No Enemies

I have no enemies

Today, I woke up at 6:09 am. I had ambitiously set my alarm for 6:00 am but snoozed it because I had an amazing dream. But I was not able to continue the dream after trying to go back to sleep, so I woke up at 6:09 am. I go through my morning routine and I leave the apartment, grabbing my bike to go to work. As I bike along Lake Shore Drive, I notice this cyclical bumping motion in my back wheel. Was something caught on the tire? Was my lock that I awkwardly placed on the frame hitting the back wheel?

I quickly pulled to the side and hopped off to inspect my bicycle. Unfortunately for me, there was no quick easy solution to my problem as I had a flat tire.

I’ve had my bike for about three weeks now and this was the first flat I’ve had since. I completely forgot that flats existed. That I live in a world where bikes need to be maintained and cared for. I was initially very shocked and stressed– about how I was going to get to work, about how I was going to fix this flat without any of the proper equipment. I hurridly walked my bike to the nearest store I could find that had an air pump so 20 minutes goes by and I arrive at a Target.

I grab the cheapest air pump I could find and quickly make my way back out to fix this tire. After a solid 10 minutes of trying to pump air into the tire, I give up and realize this was not something I could fix right now.

Luckily for me, I did not make it very far before my bike broke down so I walked the 20 minutes or so back to my apartment.

As I was walking, I found myself thinking, “why did this happen to me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” as if the Earth spun according to notions of justice and morality. I tend to think in these retributive lens.

“Oh, they did X, so Y should happen.”

But after graduating and moving to Chicago and recovering from a herniated disc and running two half marathons and putting myself out there to meet new people and trying to be a better person and turning 24, I quickly found myself to be extremely aware of myself thinking those thoughts and this image came into my mind:

“I have no enemies.”

Now, if you’re just as brain rotted as I am, you’ve probably seen this on TikTok or other social media platforms, often used as a caricature or highly satorized and used in an ironic way.

But I choose not too engulf myself in edginess and despair and I instead choose to see that quote for it’s face value.

“I have no enemies.”

No one is trying to sabotage me. The world is not actively praying for my downfall. Things like this just happen.

Thankfully, I always leave home super early so this did not make me late so I chose to see the positive in this. It forced me to buy an air pump, which will be useful in the future as well as reminding me to take better care of my bike (it’s hard for me sometimes to remember these things when I live in a world of planned obsolescence).

Today, the choice of being intentional paid off and I got just a little bit better at recognizing when I’m blaming others. It does nothing for me except bring stress and anxiety.

“I have no enemies.” - Thors, Vinland Saga